The Uncollared Slave: The key thing to remember here is that you have not surrendered. Until you have surrendered and taken a collar you do not have the priviledge of abandoning your judgement when you interact with a man. You are responsible and accountable for your own well-being. The man does not take on that responsibility until you surrender, until you take on his collar.
There are a wide variety of men that engage slaves, online and off, in and outside of Gor. Among these men, even among the noble men of Gor, there are those that would be healthy for you to surrender to, and those that would be unhealthy for you to surrender to. Part of that is a function of who you are, and part of it is a function of who they are. One woman might thrive and flourish under a man who humiliates her; another would absolutely be destroyed. It is up to you, and no one else, to discover whether serving a particular man is fulfilling, healthy, and joyful for you.
You may choose to acquiesce (in fact you will likely do so), to obey to see where this instruction takes you, but your alarm bells should be ringing and you should be very sensitive to how the relationship develops. You may find, when you have completed the questionable instruction, that you have discovered a new part of yourself, a deeper, more lovely part of you that lay dormant before. If this is your experience, then you may find a deeper trust in this man.
Or you may find that the experience has distanced you from your belly, that you feel less of a woman, less of a slave, that your emotions are dulled or that your life has become more stressful. These signals are definitely red flags that should be heeded when evaluating service under a man. These should also be red flags for the man you serve as an uncollared woman (unless the man is one who enjoys destroying women, in which case they would be green flags).
It is your responsibility to voice your experience of obeying his instruction. An experienced, responsible man will make an effort to learn whether something works for you or not. He will want to know how to keep you healthy. Regardless, if you don't tell him what you are feeling, he can't respond to it, and it will be harder for you to discover whether he is healthy for you or not. Don't expect him to apologize if the experience was negative for you. Do watch to see whether he shifts his expectations of you to take this into account.
The fact that you have the right to say "No" doesn't mean that you should respond that way to every instruction you feel less than excited about (although there may be men that you decide to completely refuse interaction with, because of their destructive influence on you). In fact, one would hope that your refusals would be very rare. A man, even one who wants you to be healthy, wants to know that he is your first priority, that you are willing to sacrifice on his behalf. He wants to know that you are willing to do something that is difficult for you in order to please him, that your desire to please, to please him specifically, is deep and abiding.*
Beyond the need to please a particular man, I would hope that in your nature as a slave you would be fulfilled by serving men in general, more so than refusing men in general. And if that means every once in a while you end up with a dull man or one that just rubs you the wrong way, you serve him with a giving heart, even if he doesn't make your belly throb with lust and need. Because that is who you are. No, you wouldn't pursue time with him, because he's not right for you. But in the common, everyday engagement, you'll be willing to bring him a bit of pleasure with all the others.
When you do find yourself thriving at man's feet, you'll discover that you feel safe allowing your walls to slip away. You'll understand that the relationship moves forward at the will of the man you serve, and you will be willing to allow him to put you where he wants to. You'll be surprised that some particular part of your life matters to him, because most men don't pay attention to it. You'll find that he's establishing boundaries, rules and guidelines to bring you closer to the woman that you and he both want you to be. He's keeping you on task, pushing you to follow through with things that you find difficult to complete on your own.
- Does my well-being matter to this man? What about the well-being of my loved ones?
- Is this the type of man that might take me away from my home? If so, is this the type of man that would abandon me without means to care for myself?
- What is this man like at his worst? Will he put me into the hospital? Will he make me mentally or emotionally unstable? Am I scared of him?
- Is this the type of man to get involved with my finances or my employment? If so, does he care about my financial well-being? What about my well-being in the workplace?
- Does this man have what it takes to take care of me and my unique needs? Does he have the resources to do so (time, money, know-how, availability), or does he arrange for my needs to be met by others if he doesn't? Are those arrangements healthy for me?
- Do I find the rest of my life suffering when I serve this man? Or does it thrive? Am I a better woman to all when I serve at this man's feet?
- Has this man owned other slaves? What was their experience of him?
You'll want to be asking these questions, because unless you and he have some agreement restricting his control, when you take on his collar you are giving him power over all these areas. He will have the power to make you sing, and to make you sob. He can take you to unbelievably incredible heights of passion and joy, and he can utterly destroy you and your life. Whether he uses it or not, you surrender this power to him when you take on his collar, so know him very well before you beg for it.
(Continued)
*On a side note, I have often been disappointed by a slave who displays no emotional challenge in doing something that would usually be difficult for her. If two women really like me, and I send them both away, I get more pleasure from the one that is sad to leave me, than the one who is excited to get back to the furs and her sisters. And if I have a woman clean my boots with her tongue, it is a deep pleasure to have her do it willingly and with joy; it is also a deep pleasure to have her do it even though it really grosses her out, because she wants to please me.
